I made myself a promise recently. I promised to blog every week. You may have noticed that my blogs have been popping up more often, or not! Whichever is the case, I promised to end my life long cycle of procrastination by setting myself self clear guidelines for writing: start Monday, post no later than Wednesday.
But life happens.
I’ve been on such a good run for weeks, despite visitors staying Tuesday to Sunday one week, and 3 of my adorable niece/nephews staying for the weekend after that giving me a cold for the following week. These are wonderful events, besides the cold, but events that ordinarily would exhaust me for days. I did need a catch up afterwards, but I also kept up my sleep throughout when I needed, and didn’t deplete myself as I’m prone to do. When I’m feeling better I feel less guilty about taking my rest; it’s silly but just one of the many oddities of mental illness! But there hasn’t been anything that could hold me back from being the best that I have been in so long, and not only being better but being better for such a prolonged period, a month roughly!
But…there’s always a but in this illness…I think it’s catching up. Or something. I don’t know exactly what’s going on but yesterday I was just tired all day, and today wasn’t much better, and today some mental tiredness started to creep back in too. My hubby reminds me that I did stay up til 1am and 12am respectively for the couple of nights before last watching the Olympics which stuffed up my sleep and my tablets too…I guess he might have a point!! I tend to conveniently (not on purpose, just my memory!!) forget these pertinent points! It’s been long enough now without that mental tiredness, and I’ve been so busy enjoying all things anti-depression that I didn’t recognise that flatness, that can’t be bothered-ness, that sick of myself feeling for what it was, and started questioning myself. But no, it’s just a bit of depression, not a big disaster, and it’s just a bad couple of days, not a bad life so trying to grip onto some perspective and keep my chin up. Hubby helps, as always. He knows this beast better than me, he sees the signs from the outside and reminds me not to get dragged down into the abyss; just keep plugging away even if it’s not as good as I’d like.
Tomorrow is a new day.
So I’m sorry. Sorry that I don’t have anything more profound or interesting, but my own little struggle is all that’s clear to me today. Sorry to myself for not sticking to my schedule, but I just couldn’t.
But I’ll be back! Soon. As soon as I can. I’ve got many plans for blog posts, so don’t go anywhere. BRB.