[Thursday 13th October, 2016]
I’m getting really behind! And not in that funny fridge magnet way, although obviously that’s happening too. Anxiety gives you all these vibes and a type of energy but it’s useless for getting stuff done! All you do is spin in off centre circles. I’m writing this late Friday night (well it may have spilled into Saturday morning, dulp) trying to get up to date. I’ve had a couple of not so great days but here we go.
After a lie in and a slow start I finally got going. Sitting around wasting time blah blah so I got in the car and just drove. Always works. Petrol costs how much? But its for the sake of my mental health so hey. Found myself somehow yet again near the Lennox Gardens sign and realised that I haven’t ticked that off yet, so nice day, why not? It really was a gorgeous day: sunshine, light breeze, blue skies, no clouds. Except my legs didn’t really want to walk, sluggish, but slowly does it and off we go. It’s really a beautiful piece of art with the Beijing Gardens monuments, the fabulously floral Nara Peace (Japanese) Gardens and Lennox Gardens surrounding it all in parkland and lines of trees. Oh, and its all set on the slopes of the gorgeous, especially today in the sunlight, banks of Lake Burley Griffin! So I dragged myself around it, and gradually stopped dragging so much and started lapping up the warm air, the scents, the grass, the sound of the birds, the trees and it became fun. Then, I heard the classic creaking door sound of a Gang Gang Cockatoo!! Pure joy! I tracked it down and had a fabulous time photographing a beautiful male and female pair; the male shown here! See, worth getting out of bed, out of my PJs, out of the house. I always know this. It’s the degree of difficulty in doing it that determines what ends up happening. The end. Well the end of that subject. It’s never how much I want to do it. It’s how much I can do it. So today was a victory, really.
The rest of the day was spent internally curled up on a couch like a coiled spring and actually sitting on the couch, trying to sleep and failing, and getting up again. Anxiety. It sucks! It got a hold of me these couple of days and was a bit hard to shake. My back up plan is diazepam (Valium) once deep breaths and mental exercises have failed. I didn’t get there today but it was close. Thanks to my lovely husband for a relaxing night out to dinner at the excellent Eighty Six in Braddon with slow courses; by the end of that I was coming down off the ceiling, practically down to door handle level. Then some mundane groceries, always good to bring you down to ground level. By bedtime I was verging on sleepy. A miracle.