Future planning

Dear family and friends,

Could I make one request only should I ever be admitted to hospital? Shallow though it be?

Promise me that you will band today, draw up a roster and sit by me day and night holding my lower jaw to my skull so I’m not lying there with my mouth wide open to the elements. It’s all I ask.

It is probably the one thing that gives me the heeby geebies more than ANYTHING else: a patient lying there asleep on their back with their mouth agape just waiting for anything to fall in, drying out, and the hoarse snoring that goes along with each intake of air via mouth breathing. I can take blood, poo, wee, the stench of a total absence of hygiene, disgusting stale smoke and most smelly wounds, but an open mouth gasping for air just send shudders through me. It implies a total loss of self control I guess, which is probably the scary part to me; being totally vulnerable. It’s so ick! What if a spider crawls in my mouth? What if I choke on my drool and no one notices and I die?

I know its convenient to have patient’s positioned on their back while they’re in a hospital bed (especially while in ED) so their face can be monitored, so there’s easy access to put on the blood pressure cuff or get to veins for any medication infusion or blood test, or elevate limbs but I never sleep on my back and just don’t think its natural. I’ve had this conversation a few times when we were buying a mattress. Apparently you’re “supposed” to sleep on your back, and some insisted I lie on my back to test the mattresses, even though I would never again sleep like that again. Well that’s nice, but walking around the wards and glancing into rooms as I go I can tell you there’s nothing natural about patients lying there gaping! It pains me on their behalf.

So if you could just help me with this one, I’d be very grateful. End of shallow request. Thank you, and goodnight.

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