Canberra Day Two

12th September, 2016

Whatever else happened today, the photo of the day HAD to be of the weather! A fresh morning of 7 degrees with blue skies and gorgeous sunshine. The temperature climbing gradually to 17 degrees! Ahhh! I just loved being outside today, warm air stroking the skin then a cooler breeze then the cool and warm air mixing but never joining. If you were warm you could move to the shade and the breeze would be enough to soothe you; if you were cool you could step into the sunshine and be warmed up – my perfect kind of day!

The day started with tagging along to hubby’s work at 8.30am so that I could take the car for the day. I pulled out into traffic from his office and saw a sign for the information centre so I headed there for yes, more brochures. I do love brochures! I’m going to be the most cultured and knowledgeable Canberran there is! The info centre is on the banks of Lake Burley Griffin which was looking stunning in the sunlight. I heard the sound of a creaking door as I left the centre which can only be from a Gang Gang Cockatoo, so I tracked it to a pine tree and got a photo right there at the info centre! Definitely a highlight – we don’t often get them close around Melbourne. I could see where they’re setting up the flower festival right there as well, gorgeous beds of tulips! I’m looking forward to checking that out once its open.

I should mention that I was trying to find my way around without using a map or GPS. I do that; I don’t know why. It’s silly, you can’t intuitively find your way. I did okay for some of it but there may have been a couple of laps around the city having missed my turn! Ultimately I resorted to GPS!

I do love the days when I get up early. I feel so much more productive, and even if I spend a couple of hours on one thing, I turn round and still have hours to go. So at 11am, the day was still wide open. I wanted to get my bird watching off to a start so I headed to Black Mountain which is where the Telstra Tower is and went on a 2 hour walking loop. The signs being not all they should be, that turned into a 3.5 hour hike steeply up and down the mountain! I was pretty exhausted by the end, not to mention blisters on my heels and arches and chafed thighs. It’s amazing to me that I wouldn’t have considered that the path would be steep, the name of the place being Black Mountain. Another of my classic disconnects.

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So here’s my photo for Day Two. A perfect combination of the day: blue skies, sunshine, beautiful bush and birds, a stunning Crimson Rosella.

I’ve decided to put whatever photos don’t make the cut for photo of the day onto a new website that I’ve just been setting up these last couple of weeks. Bear with me while I do so, it’s very much a work in progress but you can see my other photos from today (and yesterday, forgot to say so) at my site. Click on Black Mountain Views or Black Mountain Birds to check out today’s photos.

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Anything!

Lately I’ve forgotten how much nicer it is to spend my day doing something, rather than nothing!

When I’m down, flat, depressed, I just can’t think of what to do. No ideas come to me, I think and think and it goes nowhere. I wake up in a fog, get up only when I can’t force myself to sleep any longer and lying there gets unbearable, and spend the rest of the day using as little energy as possible!

This is reflected in all the things that I don’t do. I don’t put the used knife at the sink or in the dishwasher; it stays on the bench with the butter and the spreads that should be put away in the cupboard. The bird bath gets filled up with rain or nothing, and the seed feeder empties and then sits empty: the very worst kind of bird feeding there is that; supply then cease. The dirty clothes can’t make it to the washing machine, I drive instead of public transport or walking. The ironing sits, and sits, and sits until my poor over-worked husband gets fed up and does it, while I watch in shame and guilt and secret gladness that it’s done, at least for today, until it piles up again. I do so miss my ironing lady!

I have lists of things to do, but doing them is more painful than transferring them to tomorrow’s to-do list. It’s been a few weeks of this kind of la-la nothing-ness, and it’s been getting tedious.

So I decided to muster my strength and drive myself the 10 minutes up to Doncaster Shopping Centre to go to a couple of stores. Did I remember that it was the school holidays? No, unfortunately! But never mind. Turns out, neither of the two stores that I went to visit exist there anymore!! This is such a typical palm to forehead moment from me that it has become laughable to my husband and I. A phone call to tell him such a story gives him a great big laugh and helps me feel a bit less stupid and wasteful of my limited resources.

Then he said this helpful thing. Oh well, since you’re there, take the chance to look around at any other clothing you need/want?

Usually I’d be straight back to my car and home to safety, but for some reason this time I thought why not? I looked up one of the stores I had come for, and it turned out that their brand was stocked in a couple of places although their name brand store didn’t exist anymore, so I went off looking for those stores and 3 hours later I emerged having had a pretty good day! I’d bought a pair of boots that I really liked and had been thinking about looking for/buying for a while; actually quite a long while! It all happened kind of painlessly. I’d even talked the staff into giving me 50% off instead of 30% because of a miniscule defect! Quite proud of that one. Bought a couple of fat tops, but not in the fat section; in the young cool people’s section. I’d chatted to service staff, talked to a couple of shoppers spontaneously and tried on every shoe I vaguely liked. I’d even photographed some shoes I’ll think about if I get a job or at sale time, like I’d ever remember that I’d taken the photos or where they were from! Another palm to face moment: I was meant to go to one department store to find the brand that I was after, and I spent all afternoon in the other one!! No wonder I couldn’t find what I was after! Oh dear! Again!!

So there it is, just by getting myself out of the house and being willing to/having the energy to push a bit further out of my comfort zone by staying out, several good things happened and I felt like I’d lived a day in the life of a normal person, shopping the sales in the school holidays.

That was the 7th of July, 2016.

Now, on the 27th July I’m in a totally different zone! A happy, energetic, functional, even efficiently effective zone! It’s so good! I truly literally have not felt this good since I got sick. Let’s rephrase and say that I’m feeling the best that I can remember since early 2013!!

It sort of makes me mourn all of the time that has gone by in the last 3 years – wasted hours and days and months, but they can’t be recovered so I just have to put them in the past, and put my attention to the excellent present that is making me feel good.

This is a solid proof, once and for all, that justifies me for defending myself over these years: my disease bipolar is all about the chemicals. When the chemicals are balanced, this is what I can be like, my best self.

When the chemicals aren’t right, I can bust my gut to be better, and exhaust myself in the endeavor, and get nowhere. But finally, all the hard work, all the psychiatrist’s appointments, all the tablets, all the heartache, all the problems and difficulties are just faded away and I’m well! My husband is so relieved. I think we had just about resigned ourselves to the fact of our lives just being sucked into the vortex of this evil disease. But now we know. We finally know that it doesn’t have to be that way. It can be better, to the point of almost normal. And I’ll take almost normal any day!

Of course the story isn’t over. This isn’t the end. This is a good cycle, but it’s still a cycle. That’s how bipolar works, one cycle followed by another; good following bad, and so on. Our aim is to cycle less often and less severely. Proving that I can get to a good cycle is just such great news, a huge relief and gives hope for the future. The medicines do their part, my psychiatrist and GP do theirs, all of your support does its part too and I do mine, and sometimes we hit the jack pot! Let’s celebrate it while it lasts, and know that when we go down again we’ll have more hope for coming back up!