Canberra Day Forty Four

Monday 24th October, 2016

Not exactly a Canberra day but…

What a lovely day! A truly delightful day. Beautiful weather and excellent company. Today I hung out with a good friend of mine and her charming little 3 year old man; Mr Independent. I drove down to Wagga Wagga last night to stay a couple of nights with them. We’ve been trying to organise it from Melbourne for AGES but it hasn’t happened. Moving to Canberra actually made it easier cos its closer than Melbourne so FINALLY we’re having our hangout! A sleep in for me this morning, aahh! Then a quick brekky and off down the green highway to the lovely town of Junee in New South Wales for a unique experience visiting the licorice and chocolate factory. If you are ever in the area, this is absolutely a must visit and I’m so glad I got to see it. You can see the rotating machine that coats organic licorice made from scratch on site with Belgian chocolate, the chocolate polishing bubble machine that buffs up the chocolate pieces once the THIRTY to FORTY layers off chocolate have been applied creating a matt effect, the licorice pipes and cooling system, and you can actually make rocky road or an enormous chocolate freckle. Plus a brilliant gift shop, great cafe, a great little video tour and a rustic setting…shall I go on? Oh, and vertical bowling with a ball make entirely from licorice!! Such fun. Plus chatting all the way there and back, like old friends can. What a lovely time we had!

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How adorable! Mr 3 pretty excited to be making his own giant freckle!!

And that was only the day time. Another friend of theirs had a birthday today: I know, how many birthdays can there be? So my friend worked through the afternoon while I sat and chatted (I know my specialties, plus I dunno how to work the Thermomix) and cooked us up an enormous feast! Even the 10 of us couldn’t finish it off, with a huge main course, dessert, birthday cake and fruit platter plus drinks laid on. A lovely evening making new friends and catching up with old ones. Then to bed on a full stomach ready for a huge sleep.

Shared from WordPress

What Is It Like To Be Adopted? – http://wp.me/p6S0sI-rM

This is a brilliant piece of writing from a friend about adoption. Every question that you’ve ever had is answered, and as a bonus it’s pointed out how wrong is was to ask! Share it far and wide, so many people need to read and understand this point of view! A brave, brutally honest piece of writing that just makes you want to give her a big hug!!!

Twitchers Thursday

What a gorgeous day in lovely Melbourne!

reflection, blue sky, Glorious glorious day! A lake on Monbulk Creek in Birdsland Reserve

Glorious glorious day! A lake on Monbulk Creek in Birdsland Reserve

From this end of the day it was a delightful day of friendship, flowers, birds, lunching, sunshine, shopping, driving, discovery and fulfilment.

I love this magenta and red flower, which is yes, surprisingly, a native!

I love this magenta and red flower, which is yes, surprisingly, a native!

Amazing how different it looks when compared to the other end which was a disappointed ‘oh it’s grey outside, it was meant to be sunny’, an exhausted-after-eight-hours-of-sleep ‘I’m so tired, maybe I’ll just keep sleeping a bit longer’, slow-and-fat ‘I don’t know if I’m going to be able to keep up with the physical demands of the day’ and just-to-give-me-a-boost ‘ooh chocolate, good I wasn’t sure what to have for breakfast’!

Perspective. It never ceases to amaze me! It really is everything!

Still a favourite but thought I was onto a new one! Never heard it call like that

Still a favourite but thought I was onto a new one! Never heard it call like that. From this side you miss all the pretty yellow that makes him striking.

Convincing myself to get out of bed for myself in the morning? Very easy to pike and say, well there’s no shortage of days – I’ll get up tomorrow, or the day after!

Knowing that someone else is waiting? ‘You better get up right now and get yourself sorted this instance Miss’!

In a good way, not a bad way. In a spirit of wanting to be with your friends and getting some motivation out of that, not in a spirit of ‘I have to because they said so’.

Fabulous red and orange kangaroo paw - gorgeous isn't it?

Fabulous red and orange kangaroo paw – gorgeous isn’t it?

The same goes for the level of exertion I can put out by myself versus with someone else, or for something else. Yesterday I slow walked 1.5km in 2 hours…not exactly race speed! Today we covered 2.5km in the same or less time, with multiple stops and pauses for birds and beautiful scenery gazing. Still not race speed but a good deal quicker than it would have been if I’d set the pace myself. Again, this is a good thing – it helps me get going to have someone by my side. It might wear me out, but that’s good too ūüôā

Tadpoles! Millions of them! Haven't seen them for years, very alert little tiny things, lake, reeds

Tadpoles! Millions of them! Haven’t seen them for years, very alert little tiny things

Something to keep in mind for myself.

As they say, it’s all in the mind! Great saying that, encompasses everything and is both positive and negative at the same time!

Fluffy headed Laughing Kookaburra preening high in the sky over Kuranga Nursery

Fluffy headed Laughing Kookaburra preening high in the sky over Kuranga Nursery

So today we checked out the fabulous native Kuranga Nursery in Mount Evelyn which was a pure delight! Masses of flowering wildflowers and a real education for me in what exactly is meant by the term native plant…so much more than I had thought! So many types of eucalypt, huge numbers of banksias and every colour of Kangaroo Paw. Fascinating! Plus ferns and other plants which I had always assumed were English or European.

Every possible colour of Kangaroo Paw - forgive me for thinking there were two!

Every possible colour of Kangaroo Paw – forgive me for thinking there were two!

They have an AMAZING cafe onsite and we had a fabulous outdoor table in the shade overlooking the nursery and ate a delicious lunch with delectable dessert! They use native ingredients in their cooking and we thoroughly enjoyed every bite!

Our fabulous view from lunch on the most perfect Summer day, colourful

Our fabulous view from lunch on the most perfect Summer day

Pretty flowers attract pretty butterflies and moths - not sure which this is, green leaves

Pretty flowers attract pretty butterflies and moths – not sure which this is

Our next stop had been debated and was decided mostly based on my ability/inability to actually make the most of the originally planned destination: Cranbourne Botanic, or Australian Native Garden. We decided to skip it, we were running shortish on time anyway, and instead we checked out a brand new area for both of us: Birdsland Reserve, Belgrave.

Playing Peekaboo with a Sulfur Crested Cockatoo!

Playing Peekaboo with a Sulfur Crested Cockatoo!

Early into the piece we discovered that this reserve was named Birdsland after a family named Bird who used to live there – its literally named Bird’s Land after them. I thought that maybe this diminished the chance of us seeing birds…but I was wrong! It is also aptly named for the birds there.

I was with an insect enthusiast today...and I think it's starting to show in my photos!, dead log

A long shot to a Dragon Fly, or Damsel Fly – not sure which

Here’s a handy hint if you’re planning to check it out (which you absolutely must if you’re a walker/runner/cyclist/nature enthusiast/bird watcher!). You’ll get to the sign for this reserve and find a car park. Don’t park there – turn up the gravel road and drive in for a few kilometres first; this will take you to the start of the good track (in my opinion, having visited once!).

This is a Damsel Fly - I can't really tell them apart from Dragon Flies so I'm going on trust, green grass

This is a Damsel Fly – I can’t really tell them apart from Dragon Flies so I’m going on trust what I’m told

It was such a beautiful day, weather-wise! Blue sky after lunch, warm sun, cool breeze, dry conditions. Could hardly have ordered a better day for being out and about. Much better for hot, sweaty me than the expected 30 degrees of tomorrow! I do need to look into getting a visor, though; may have gotten a touch too much of the sun.

Nothing nicer than sitting in companionable silence on a shady seat watching the perfect day roll by!

And then back to the bird searching. We managed to find two birds we’d never seen or photographed and it was a great day before that! We heard the Reed-warbler early and my friend caught a few glimpses but so far I’d seen nothing! We really didn’t want to leave without a photo but he made use work for it! The other bird was an incidental ‘oh there’s an easy shot of a bird!” moment, but I’m pretty happy with it!

So here’s my two lifers! Not bad for one day! Thanks to my friend with the sharpest eyes!

A White-eared Honeyeater flitting around in the dead trees on a perfect day at Birdsland Reserve

A White-eared Honeyeater flitting around in the dead trees on a perfect day at Birdsland Reserve

An Australian Reed-Warbler that lives up to it's name to a high degree, confounding us often by disappearing into the thick reeds and singing his heart out

An Australian Reed-Warbler that lives up to it’s name to a high degree, confounding us often by disappearing into the thick reeds and singing his heart out

I also have to give a shout out for my friend for sharing her insect knowledge with me. I loved shooting them, but I think my head is too full of birds and flowers to add insects just now! But it added some fun to the day.

So, a happy day. How ’bout that? Didn’t think I’d have a great day like that this week so it’s pretty awesome! Cheers!

Pregnancy

What could I do, I had to like it! It just made me think of myself, in a kind of funny.kind of truthful way!, gorilla, grass

What could I do, I had to like it! It just made me think of myself, in a kind of funny.kind of truthful way!

This popped up in my Facebook feed the other day from Brindabella and I actually laughed out loud! The expression ‘lol’ is so overused online that it has lost all meaning, but this is one situation where it was actually appropriate.

I laughed because over a few months¬†I gradually increased in weight ¬†until suddenly one day I looked in the mirror and realised I looked like this! Not a fun realisation! I mentioned it to my hubby and he agreed that he’d thought for a while now that I looked pregnant! Always helpful but he was kind about it. But its the truth so what can you do.

I should clarify here that I’m not pregnant; the weight is due to indulgence, medication side effects and the symptoms of mental illness. Just to be clear.

But anyway, somehow being that shape and seeing this gorilla¬†translates to funny in my brain…not sure why, but I guess it’s amusing to see yourself mirrored in another species, and to see a big round belly, flabby arms and a double chin on a cute-ish animal looking equally unhappy about the situation!

The weird thing is, I know I’m overweight to the point of exploding over the obese line. But somehow my brain hasn’t caught up. Maybe because it happened so fast and unexpectedly, maybe¬†because I’m in denial a bit…not sure why. I kind of knew already that my brain was lagging behind, but it became most apparent when I was in Thailand recently. Sitting on the boat in just my bathers, swimming in the pool, jumping off the boat into the water carefree and happy in front of everyone else, walking around at lunchtime feeling¬†completely comfortable with my body the whole time. Which was a really nice feeling instead of hating it and wanting it to be different.

Until…I looked back and saw the photos! My big round tummy, double chin, fat cheeks and eyes deep in puffy sockets…ergh! Then I was not happy! Then I was not comfortable with my figure! Photos are kind of the cold hard truth that shoot you down out of your dreamy sky and bring you down with a big hard bang to reality!

I can kind of understand the idea behind body dysmorphic disorder now. I don’t have it and I’m not suggesting I do…but the brain is powerful and can really twist reality sometimes. To be one way, and consider yourself to be another way is…well in this case it’s kind to me to a point, but I guess when it comes to addiction or something like that it is very unhelpful, because you think you’re okay when really you are not. It can be unhelpful to me too I suppose, because when I’m looking at a block of chocolate I think it’ll be okay instead of considering my obesity and how chocolate is really not okay!

Here’s the other thing. When I was first really unwell, the psychologist and the doctor and all the self help websites told me to do nice things to and for myself to help me feel just a bit better. Have a bath, eat your favourite food, watch your favourite show, go to your favourite place either physically or shut your eyes and imagine you are there. So chocolate, a hot chocolate, a bowl of yoghurt…whatever you love, was okay to eat anytime and all the time to help get you through the difficult days.

Except there was no limit put on that habit…so I just kept going and going. A limit would have been good, but realistically I was unwell for months while we tried fluoxetine, venlafaxine, sertraline, sertraline plus mirtazepine, sertraline plus quetiapine, desvenlafaxine plus quetiapine, reboxetine plus quetiapine and full circle to venlafaxine plus quetiapine and finally venlafaxine plus quetiapine plus lithium, the best yet! All of those antidepressants working a bit or not much, until finally the correct diagnosis of bipolar and the life-changing prescription of lithium.

And still the end date for self indulgence hasn’t been set.

I’m better; I’m not back to where I’d like to be. I have more energy; but still need my daily naps. I have more resilience; but some days I just need something external to make me feel better. I’m trying to cut down on my treats and snacks; but it’s hard!

And here’s my shortlist of how fatness that looks like pregnancy is different to pregnancy:

1) In pregnancy, you know what to expect and you prepare your body. You moisturise and Bio-oil your belly to prevent stretch marks. In fatness, stretch marks pop up out of the blue completely unexpected and you have no warning to prepare for that.

2) In pregnancy you get the baby most times, not always. In fatness you just have the rumours, the questions, the look without the baby at the end. To be honest, I haven’t decided whether I think this is a bad thing or a good thing….I’ll get back to you.

3) In pregnancy you deliver the baby and the belly size reduces a bit, then gradually reduces slowly back to somewhere near where you started. In fatness, these is no initial tummy reduction; you just start from wherever you are and gradually reduce it hopefully also to somewhere near where you started. So actually, the two conditions can be pretty similar in this regard.

Well that’s about all I have to say about fatness and pregnancy at this point in time.

I started and stopped the gym, I did a few food coaching sessions, I returned to pilates for a bit, I go on and off calorie restriction, we’re trying to do daily walks, I’m trying to get back on my bike on the trainer in the shed, I’m trying to walk past my favourite snacks.

It’s a work in progress; I’ll get there one day. And for now, my attempt is to be kind to myself and remember why I came to be where I am, and whenever I can, to do bits and pieces to help me along the way to getting where I want to go.