4 years

6th March, 2018

Well I had other ideas for today’s blog, but Facebook reminded me that today 4 years ago I was recovering at home, supervised by my hubby working from home, after a VERY long afternoon/night in the emergency department having finally come to the crunch point of my nervous breakdown.

It was the first day of many days off work: 6th March 2014 to 22nd July 2015.

It felt long!

It felt like it would never to over, that life would just trickle by forever. Me at home, on my own, barely able to fill the hours of the day, just dragging along until the next…what? Hour, day, week, year?

After 18 years of full time school; 4 years of full time study plus part time work; an intern year of full time work and study; and 4 years working full time (apart from a period of 9 day fortnights during 2013 for health/stress reasons, and a brave if futile attempt to get back to work and save my job by dragging myself 2 days a week to work in the outpatient dispensary at the Alfred in the month before my contract expired late 2014) it was a shock!

I didn’t know what to do with myself physically, let alone mentally. So came a long list of attempted hobbies to try to fill up my time, more or less successfully. 4 years on, some have stuck, some haven’t, but it’s a different problem now: finding time for those hobbies! Time for bird watching, for photography, for blogging, and my re-discovered love of gardening. I’m back at work, currently 4 to 5 days a week! Who would have ever thought?! And it’s cramping my style! How’s that for ironic? For months, years in fact I’m dying to get back to work, really back to working full time or close to it, and 5 minutes later I’m missing my me time!!

It could be worse. If anyone can say that it’s me. I was worse, I’ve been worse; so I really know that it could be worse. I do. But it’s the perspective you have at the time that frames how you see things. And my perspective now is mental wellness and relatively good physical health, so the smaller things weigh more, like doing my hobbies! It’s not a bad place to be, hey? Four years on.

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Canberra Day Thirteen

How can you not have a wonderful day when it starts with these gorgeous flowers and this much sunshine?? I am so loving the flower festival Floriade. It’s been open for 7 days and this is my third visit; YAY for free entry! This would never happen in Melbourne. And YAY for fantastic weather every few days¬†that makes it such a pleasure to be alive and out in the sunshine soaking up the beauty of flowers; you know, in between the rain! And YAY for being well enough so that I actually feel joy and enjoyment of things, rather than hating the sunlight and covering my head in my doona. When the chemicals are balanced, magic happens! So as always I want to enthusiastically recommend my psychiatrist whose knowledge and skill has gotten me from not wanting to live life to loving life! If that isn’t a miracle…

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I don’t have much of a garden myself in Melbourne but I do love gardens. My hubby will tell you that I like the IDEA of a garden more than the actual gardening behind the garden. I tend to love high maintenance flowers but want a low maintenance garden filled with high maintenance flowers. It doesn’t really ¬†work out…so currently I have a variety of succulents and geraniums, all pretty die hard stuff that I never water or feed or tend to in any way. But they flower for me which is delightful. And the rest of the time I get my fix from other people’s or public gardens. Today I got my fix from the ferris wheel, a great idea given by a friend. It really gives you an idea of the patterns of the gardens and just how awesome the whole garden is.

What else did I do with my day besides admiring flowers and taking another hundred or so photos of flowers? I went for another bike ride: 21km this time around the western (=hilly) and central (=flat) loops of Lake Burley Griffin; got some overdue blood tests done by another of the seemingly all grumpy phebotomists; chatted to my grandma on the phone for her birthday (one of the major things I miss about Melbourne!); got some scripts dispensed; mailed a couple of postcards; got some groceries; had a nap. Just another day. But another day where I enjoyed life and put in an effort to live life to the full. It’s a beautiful thing.