Future planning

Dear family and friends,

Could I make one request only should I ever be admitted to hospital? Shallow though it be?

Promise me that you will band today, draw up a roster and sit by me day and night holding my lower jaw to my skull so I’m not lying there with my mouth wide open to the elements. It’s all I ask.

It is probably the one thing that gives me the heeby geebies more than ANYTHING else: a patient lying there asleep on their back with their mouth agape just waiting for anything to fall in, drying out, and the hoarse snoring that goes along with each intake of air via mouth breathing. I can take blood, poo, wee, the stench of a total absence of hygiene, disgusting stale smoke and most smelly wounds, but an open mouth gasping for air just send shudders through me. It implies a total loss of self control I guess, which is probably the scary part to me; being totally vulnerable. It’s so ick! What if a spider crawls in my mouth? What if I choke on my drool and no one notices and I die?

I know its convenient to have patient’s positioned on their back while they’re in a hospital bed (especially while in ED) so their face can be monitored, so there’s easy access to put on the blood pressure cuff or get to veins for any medication infusion or blood test, or elevate limbs but I never sleep on my back and just don’t think its natural. I’ve had this conversation a few times when we were buying a mattress. Apparently you’re “supposed” to sleep on your back, and some insisted I lie on my back to test the mattresses, even though I would never again sleep like that again. Well that’s nice, but walking around the wards and glancing into rooms as I go I can tell you there’s nothing natural about patients lying there gaping! It pains me on their behalf.

So if you could just help me with this one, I’d be very grateful. End of shallow request. Thank you, and goodnight.

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Windy wind wind

It’s a windy day. I don’t like wind! WelI, actually what I mean is I don’t like to be in the wind.

Watching it out of my bedroom window while tucked up in bed, on the other hand, it rather nice; I like watching the gum leaves toss and the white branches wave.

But going outside on a day like this isn’t my favourite thing. I avoid it if I can!

It catches my breath out of my mouth and makes me feel like I’m suffocating!

It blows my hair here and there and everywhere and ruins however much effort I have put into my hairstyle that day. There really is no amount of hairspray that can truly hold down hair on a day like today.

Even the birds get their feathers all ruffled on a day like this. And today I saw a rainbow lorikeet get blown off a palm frond into the air! It quickly flapped it’s wings and landed back on the frond again, but how’s that?

palm tree, rainbow lorikeet

Pair of rainbow lorikeets in the nesting tree just after the top bird got thrown off by a gust of wind!

On another topic, I always wonder where birds go on days like this; there don’t seem to be as many birds around. The ones you see are huddled down as low as they can be, or hiding out of the wind.

Another thing that I don’t like about wind is that it catches my skirt and whisks it around at the most inconvenient time! I tend to walk around with at least one hand holding as much of the width of the skirt as possible, just in case. But that’s not a foolproof plan; it can still catch and expose your legs and knickers at the most embarrassing moment!

The one thing I do like about wind is it’s usually cooler than the day that it’s blowing around in. Since I’ve been on antidepressants and an antipsychotic my body temperature runs higher than usual; well I don’t know if that’s a fact but my experience is that I feel warmer all the time. I also sweat at the slightest temperature increase so I do enjoy going out and feeling the cool against my skin.

Plus I love my coat. It’s navy with turquoise fleece lining and thumb holes and two front hand pockets. I love thumb holes! And I love front pockets. And I love that despite gaining 20kg since I bought it, it still zips up at the front 🙂 So it is nice to have an opportunity to wear it.

It’s satisfying when you’re outside on a really cold day to feel cozy inside a warm coat where the wind can’t stab you with it’s icy knife. But although the coat stops the wind getting to your body, it doesn’t stop grit and leaves and debris flying around in the air and getting in your eyes, nose, mouth and even getting down your neck into your coat!! Shame about that! Time for a scarf wrapped around my head with only eye slits left uncovered. But that old wind is a crafty one; it will find that one gap you’ve left and dive straight in!

Windy days often make me feel irritable. I’m not sure why. I mean there’s the hair blowing thing, the skirt puffing up thing and the stealing my breath thing but it’s not that.

It’s more like a feeling of restlessness, of having the jitters, of being unsettled and being out of sorts.

It’s a feeling of having the heeby geebies, of being frazzled, of feeling like my nerves are on edge, of sarcasm and grumpiness being kept under a very thin veil ready to burst out with any adverse event.

Strange how an invisible force can create so much disturbance, such a strong feeling against it and be so disruptive!

In my case it’s not just the wind. It’s also air conditioners, fans, open windows…anything that generates wind or a breeze.

Since I had an eye injury I’ve had drier eyes and any wind or breeze just irritates them like crazy! I find it very annoying to be in a room with any kind of air disturbance; ducted heating or cooling, wind coming in the windows and anything of the kind.

Oddly, I love driving around with the windows down! I think that has more to do with cooling me down than the air thing though. Priorities! They can be changed if need be, turns out.

So I’ll just snuggle in here and watch the wind from afar where I can’t feel it!