Footy season

It’s the start of the footy season.

Did you know that, or care if you did?

Melbourne overall is supposed to be pretty footy mad, and I’m sure it is based on the shenanigans I saw in my work suburb of Richmond over the footy finals last year, but I’m fairly laid back about it. We’ve never had a telly which is probably the major reason why I’ve never followed the footy that much, but if we’re ever on holidays during the footy season I do get pretty enthusiastic watching the play and exclaiming and yelling and carrying on! Who me? Yes me! But following it by newspaper just doesn’t interest me. I’ve also only ever been to 2 games, neither involving my club so…I guess that hasn’t piqued my interest. Theoretically I barrack for Richmond footy club, ironic given I now work there, mostly cos that’s who my Dad barracks for but as soon as people start talking to me about players or games or stats I get lost…except Dustin Martin, I know Dustin Martin. So how about my Dad barracking for Richmond without a telly? The Saturday afternoon clean out of the work van!! The radio would go on, the Coke cans and pie wrappers would actually get removed from the passenger seat foot well, and all the paraphernalia of being an electrician (clippings of conduits, cable ties, old light globes, fuses and things that I’ve forgotten the names of) get methodically cleaned out and the van sorted out for the week ahead. Or a trip to the tip. Or cutting firewood, or taking other trips, or something. Anything, from memory.

So, footy season…why do I now care? Apart from catching a couple of good games over the Easter break when we stayed down at Fairhaven, I work Saturdays in the emergency department. Turns out, we (I mean the hospital I work for) have the contract for the AFL among other sports contracts like the Australian Open so we get injured (and famous!) players coming through our doors, as well as all kinds of junior league and general patients. We’re the only private ED in the city so people wanting fast turnaround, quick (often same day) access to orthopaedics or plastics, private facilities and considerate treatment of celebrities often come to us. Of course there’s still patient confidentiality procedures in place so I won’t be discussing patients by name…and anyway no AFL players came in today to my knowledge, at least not between 10am and 2pm. Who knows after that?

So what did I see today? At least 4 patients lead through the department still in their playing jerseys with various signs of injury: limping, guarding of limbs, blood, pain.

A young 19yo male playing footy this morning went for a mark and the footy hit his ring finger at the tip resulting in a compound (bone through the skin) fracture of his finger…think blood, broken skin, broken bone, and just to top it off, the nurse swore she could see the tendon!! Ick! And when I saw him, he and his mum thought they were being discharged home…sorry, no, this is gonna need surgery!

A young girl maybe 16yo-ish came in from women’s AFL, not the major league but an amateur game with a dislocated shoulder. I actually felt worse for her than the last one because she has to be awake while they sort that out, although on reflection they wouldn’t knock out a patient to fix their finger, just a regional nerve block, probably in the wrist. She still had the green penthrane (inhaled anaesthetic) whistle from the ambulance and after the first attempt to enlocate the shoulder and an enormous blood-curdling scream that shook the foundations, they gave it back for her to suck on in between huge sobs which turned into a panic attack so they switched to nitrous oxide (laughing gas) to both treat the pain and anxiety, and eventually got the shoulder back in! I did not envy her at all! Not pretty.

I didn’t see this guy, but apparently a 57yo male umpire got tackled from behind during a junior game, huge question as to why that even happened, and is now feeling pain pretty much all over his whole body which got unbearable at home so he came into ED. I don’t know what they found in the end, but I’m sure most of the problem was a 57yo rather than a 22yo guy hitting the deck like a sack of potatoes. They don’t bounce back like they used to!

There was another jersey but I never caught up with that one. So instead, another trauma. This one was very unfortunate; I guess all traumas are but when your pet attacks you, its unfortunate. This 21yo guy’s pet is a lovely house cat. His buddy came over to visit and without his knowledge brought his dog. As soon as the dog stepped into the house it went for the cat, of course, so the guy went to pick up the cat but it was freaked out and attacked him…properly! Think slash to the throat, slash to the forearm and wrist, slash under the nose, slash on the chin, and the crowning glory, not just a slash to the lip but a chunk taken right out!! Ouch! Several stitches required, and being a private hospital, and being that the injury is to the face, usually we get a plastics specialist to review the patient at least, if not get them to do the stitches themselves, for a better aesthetic outcome!! Does that sound private hospital-ish?

Downer

When  you suffer with anxiety or depression in any of their various forms, it doesn’t take much to get you down. In fact it takes a lot to keep you up!

I find this with a million stupid little things that turn a perfectly good day into a gloomy do! Usually its something that I’ve done that I’m annoyed at myself for, and I just can’t let myself off the hook about it. My husband can just cruise through these things and flick them off, just like water off a ducks back, as the cliche goes; it also helps that he doesn’t seem to make dumb errors in the first place! We have a joke that he’s always right…and it’s nearly always true! But I find myself berating myself over and over inside my head, mentally abusing myself for being so idiotic, self flagellating for my mistakes and lack of memory, or of thought, or of judgement. That just can’t make for a happy day.

I spent a lot of time with a psychologist when I first got sick and one of the main points of therapy involved reframing my thoughts, and interrupting a snowballing chain of thoughts. Reframing means to look at a situation and how you usually react, and try to consciously change your reaction to it so that you put yourself through less stress and hurt, and therefore are more well mentally. Interrupting a snowballing thought process means recognising when you’re starting down a line of negative thinking that is escalating to the dramatic and trying to stop it early, while its something that can be dealt with, before you’re almost to the point of a panic attack. I spent a lot of time working on this, and when you consciously and deliberately look at your thoughts, you do recognise a lot earlier where you can intervene and save yourself a lot of drama! Having said that, it does take a lot of energy to do this at the beginning. It gets to take a little less effort as you get more used to it, and you have less of these thoughts because of dealing with them in a better way. Eventually its more of a habit, but as soon as you think to yourself that you do it automatically and don’t need to put so much effort in, it can creep back in.

It is almost indispensable to have another person around who understands the work that you are trying to do with your head, and who can remind you what to do when you’re working yourself (unintentionally) into a bit of a tizzy! Someone who can remind you to breathe, that the drastic thoughts you’re having are just that: drastic thoughts; and of the techniques that you’ve learnt. I say it all the time but I have the utmost admiration for people on their own dealing with their beast. Kudos, and I don’t know how you do it!

Today started out as a great day. I had a good ride with my Wheel Women. We rode from Docklands to the pink lake in Westgate Park and back, and I had a superb raspberry jam donut (apparently it’s a “bombolini” according to this bakery) to top it off! I also had one of those San Pellegrino chinotto flavoured sodas in lieu of my usual Coke; that was not a highlight! Tastes like medicine!

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I was planning on doing a bit of extra riding today. I had planned to ride from Hawthorn velodrome to the start point of the Wheel Women ride, and then ride back there after the finish of the ride to add in some extra ks, but a little glitch with snoozing the alarm prevented me! Sometimes that would be enough to get me down, but I smiled through that mix up. I mean, just the fact that I wanted to do extra ks is a pretty good indicator that I’m sitting well up on the scale of blue.

I got to the start almost on time, and marvelled with everyone else at how stunningly beautiful Docklands and the water looked in the unexpected sunshine and after the rain. I really expected to get a bit wet with rain today after 2 days of LOTS of rain, but we lucked out. It was beautiful through the whole ride, and we agreed we could just keep riding and riding on a day like this where it was cool so we wouldn’t overheat, dry so we didn’t get cold with wet, not windy…perfect! Shame about me not getting up on time to do the extra riding; it would have been the ideal day for it. Oh well, let’s enjoy the ride I’ve got going on right now, instead of worrying about what I’ve missed. And there is some great re-framing and preventing of snowballing thoughts! And so the ride was just lovely!

And then, the error. The trigger.

Stupidly (it’s always stupidly by the way) I put my phone on the roof of my car.

I know!

Always a first. And last. Then some other first. Or another first if I just haven’t learnt my lesson. And so on.

3 blocks down the road from my car park, I went to put my phone in the holder and an adrenaline shot went right through my gut! I instantly KNEW what I’d done! On the bonus side, I’d been creeping along slowly since leaving the car park, hadn’t cracked 40kmph, maybe not even 30kmph…maybe it was still on the roof?!?

No!

Dulp!!

So back I go to re trace my wheels. I couldn’t get there fast enough; itching at every red light and pedestrian crossing until I got back to where I had been parked. There was a ute there now, so I got out and checked under it for my phone, once, twice etc. Then I carefully drove even slower where I’d driven already, retracing, scanning the street and gutters, wishing, hoping and more.

And back around again, and a third time! Nothing!! ARGH!!

And that’s how it starts. The adrenaline shot depletes a bit of your good mood, the persistent bad results of looking and not finding get you down more, knowing this is all your stupid fault hacks away at your confidence and suddenly you’re berating yourself and the day is not the same day it was before. It’s plummeting down through the levels of good into mediocre and before you know it, it’s not a good day anymore.

Although lately, I’ve been well, and more resilient. I knew this about myself, but this incident proved it without doubt.

I was SO bummed out over this stupid accident which should never have happened in the first place! How could I have been so thick as to put my phone on the roof?? I knew it was a bad idea, and I did it anyway. Who does that?? Typical! I make a rule, and I break my own rule, and of COURSE this is what happens! It’s okay to put the keys on the roof, because you can’t leave without them. But your phone? Idiot!

This is how my thinking goes, left to its own devices. Berating, accusing, bullying, incredulous of myself, throwing insults.

This is where the challenge lies. Putting my psychologist’s knowledge into practice in this moment and not letting the snowballing of negative thoughts get off to a head start. Re-framing the thoughts: instead of calling myself an idiot and stupid and dumb, realise that accidents happen (even if it’s often and always to me!) and this was just that, an accident, and give yourself a break!

So, having proved that my phone cannot be found and doesn’t seem to be anywhere that it should be, I head home. On the way I think of half a dozen reasons why having my phone right now would be so good: to find out the best route home, to take a photo of the city shining in the sun, to pop a starter note for this blog into my notes section, to check my calendar for what else I’m meant to be doing today, to use the Optus app to put my phone plan on hold, to call my hubby and let him know about my phone!! It really is my right hand and its going to be a bit painful without it. Stupid, stup…no, we agreed: not stupid; unfortunate. Accidental. Breathe.

But then, halfway through sliding down the blue scale into the depths, I slowed up and stopped. I stopped. That hasn’t really happened before. And it wasn’t like I put a heap of work into it, into stopping my thoughts. But my head is just in a better place lately, and this didn’t seem to be as big of a deal as similar events have been before, where I could wrap myself in guilt and grief for a whole day. Now I was stopped somewhere around the “okay” mark, still realising the inconvenience and bother I’d caused myself, but not fatalistic like many times before. What is this new feeling? Is this being well? Could it be?

I got home and flicked a message off to hubby about being out of phone contact. Then got out one of my comforters and I was pleasantly surprised that before long I was smiling and feeling quite serene about the whole thing! What is this? It was still annoying etc but it didn’t feel like it was taking up my whole world with distraught stress but like it was just one part of the picture. I like this feeling!

I believe that this is how you know you’re well. You can recover from events that happen, instead of collapsing into various levels of despair and misery. I’m not sure how this state came about, but I feel like the chemicals in my brain are finally aligned and things are just easier. It’s very exciting!! To say the least.

As to what happened with my phone? Hubby told me all the things I could do and so I went through Google’s ‘find my phone’ function online (just search for it) and I used that to lock my phone, to put a message on the lock screen to say please return my phone and to give the number to call, and to track my phone. I have to say that was the most satisfying and frustrating part, watching someone driving my phone along. It travelled the Bass Hwy towards Phillip Island via the koala park, and then stopping at the Nobbies, and I was unable to do a single thing about it!! But it was awesome to be able to watch them in the first place. I made a full report to the police and they were very helpful. But then my husband got a phone call from the person who picked it up: turns out they were a coach driver who found the phone in Docklands super close to where I’d driven past, and they planned to bring it back the next day! How kind and honest! So all’s well that ends well in the end. My husband biked from his work into the city in his lunchtime to pick up the phone, and everything is as it should be once again.

Lessons to be learned:

  1. Do NOT put your mobile phone on the roof of your car in any circumstances!
  2. Do leave your GPS function on so that you can track your phone if you ever lose it, it was accurate down to 6 metres at one point
  3. Do be aware of Google’s find your phone functions
  4. Ideally always have your screen locked, but know that you can lock it remotely in an emergency
  5. One day, after so much pain, stress, medication, therapy and time, you will be well again. Believe.