Rain, rain, not so bad…

[Monday 21st August]

It’s always a good day out with birds.

Even when the day is one of the worst this winter.

It’s raining lightly but steadily, the temperature is heading from a freezing 4 degrees to a frosty maximum of 6 degrees for a chilly winter’s day, it’s slippery and slushy underfoot, I missed my bird watching group meet time by a few minutes but saw them crossing the road as I parked, then they disappeared on me while I was getting my stuff together!!

But with some of my new resilience I decide to power on. It sucks that I missed them, but I can’t find any fault with them at all. It was a typical Danika move.

Looking at the forecast the night before I wondered if I was up for the task of wandering around for 5 hours in not only the cold, which you can dress against, but the wet. I’ve gotten wet and cold on one bird watching outing recently, feet and legs mostly, and it wasn’t fun. But I can dress warmer this time and be prepared. About that wet though, do I really want to be walking around in it through thick undergrowth for 3 of the 5 hours, according to the forecast? I couldn’t decide. Originally I definitely wanted to go because this birding outing was one that I haven’t seen come up before, a walk through the Sherbrooke Forest and…ding ding ding…lyrebirds! I’ve glimpsed a couple in the wild, and seen one at Healesville Sanctuary in their awesome recent lyrebird exhibit, but I’d love a better look!

But that wet…and so I dithered all night, didn’t make a decision, looked up what time I’d need to leave by, couldn’t decide when I woke up in the morning, called the leader to confirm it was on, slept a bit more, thought I wouldn’t go, thought I would go, left it too late and took too much time putting on my two pairs of socks, three tops, packing my 3 jackets and so I had no time for breakfast before I had to jump in the car post-haste.

This is a big flaw for me that I’m trying to work on: skipping breakfast. Actually not skipping breakfast as such, because I can’t make it to 10am if I don’t eat in the morning. I’ve always felt nauseous and faint if I don’t eat breakfast. And taking a handful of tablets on an empty stomach doesn’t go well. But I’ve also never been a morning person since I was a baby. So it’s a tussle between getting up in time for a proper breakfast and getting up, full stop! Lately this has taken the form of skipping a sustaining breakfast like my standard 2 pieces of toast with spreads for getting out the door on time, then making a 2 minute stop at the local Coles Express for something less sustaining but at least food and drink. I reserve the right to tell you what kind of food or drink I would usually pick up!

Google maps told me when I left that I was going to be 3 minutes late, as in arrival time 10.03am. This is okay, most times you can make up this difference along the way and arrive on time. Although not properly on time, which is 5 minutes early as my husband will say. In this case probably 10 or 15 minutes early would be ideal for putting on jackets, unfolding umbrellas, getting the camera ready etc. So really I’m  way behind, but I’m telling myself that 10am is okay. But still, no breakfast yet and I can’t walk around in the forest for hours without breakfast, let alone without lunch that I haven’t accounted for, and the Dandenongs aren’t really ideal for ready to go food. But luckily I did find a quick mart type general store at Tremont just before Sherbrooke forest and got some Twisties and drinks; not ideal but it’ll keep me going. Forgot to get lunch but at least this is a start. Except…

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This doesn’t even show how deep the colour blue was on my tongue, fingers and lips!! What the heck?? Apparently although these Twisties look like Twisties, smell like Twisties, taste like Twisties, they are Blue Tongue Twisties! Well that’s new, and not necessarily great for me. Busted about eating Twisties though; hubby will be happy. Luckily after my afternoon nap the blue on my tongue had been digested by my mouth enzymes, but I had to scrub the life out of my lips to clear them up, and I’ve still got blue around my nails 2 days later!! Argh!

But I got myself going, and I got these:

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The charming Eastern Yellow Robin

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They are so skilled at gravity-defying grip onto trees

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A clearer shot finally: the rain really messes with clarity

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Murdering the “snake” by whipping it and mashing it and tearing it into bite sized pieces

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Nearly got its head off, now to…

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“Bang”!

 

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“Is it dead yet?”

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Another flick through the air and whack! against the root

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See how far around it can rotate its head? Somehow with such a large prey compared to its body it manages to get the right amount of acceleration then bang it against something hard

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See how its eye looks weird? Its called a nicitating membrane. It like a second eyelid but its see-through. Birds use it to protect their eye when they still need to see but are at risk of, for instance, having half a worm flick them in the eye

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Finally a bite sized piece! Yum yum, down the hatch

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“Get away from my snake!!”

 

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Uh oh. An invader. Territory wars over a juicy worm!

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Standing on it should keep it safe

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“Are you done yet?”

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Oops, spotted me!

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This is a fully zoomed out view of the little birdy. It was probably 3 metres away by my judgement, which isn’t the best. I love zoom!

A good day that came out of a shaky start; I love these days. Now home for a lovely nap.

 

 

Canberra Day Eighteen

Wednesday 28th September, 2016….yesterday still to come.

Well this is all out of order but I’m struggling a bit to keep things together. I took my tablets, and went to bed by 10pm last night to give myself the best chance for today. Slept okay I think, hard to remember, thought I was too drowsy and hungover when hubby was going off to work and tried to psych myself up, but he was actually getting up for his 5.30am morning bike ride!! So…back to sleep, and it’s always a struggle waking up from that second morning sleep. When my 9am alarm went off I just couldn’t feel like it was time for the day, and rolled over. Actually can’t remember now what time it was that I got up, somewhere around 10 or 10.30am. Had brekky around 11.30am, hubby reminded me to have lunch around 2 so at 2.30pm I finally got started on that.

Hubby is being my hero, yesterday and today. Not that he isn’t always; he is. But I really need a helper right now, and he’s being that. The photo of the day is his reminder to me of what I could eat for lunch. I have NO imagination for lunch, I’ve always eaten leftovers and when there aren’t any leftovers, I just stare at the pantry, in the fridge and I can’t think! So I default to drive-through which obviously isn’t ideal, but it’s so close to home, a quick drive away. You may have noticed that weight is a bit of an issue for me. Speaking mildly. It’s become a bit of a thing though, buying drive-through, and even when I don’t really want it, that’s what I do because I know what’s there, and it’s always there, and it’s no bother, and it’s just easy and doesn’t require thought or planning. Sad, you probably think. So do I, often. The rest of the time I’m just pleased that that’s lunch sorted for another day. Plus it tastes good sometimes; not all the time.

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I’m sure that hubby thinks its sad too, so I hide it. That’s become a thing, too. Not quite admitting to what I’ve eaten during the day. Burying the evidence at the bottom of the rubbish bin, or in the bin bag that’s on my side of the bed and only taking it out when I’m taking the bins out to the road, or worst comes the worst putting it in someone else’s bins. And that is not the way to have an honest relationship, which I’ve surprisingly taken a long time to figure out! It just puts up a little wall, stone by stone until you realise that there’s a barrier in the way of the two of you really connecting. Somehow it took an honest conversation last night about me hiding my food habits to start taking down some stones and building a bridge. It’s horrible to think we would have something between us! I’ve hated it lately. We have always been best friends and partners with no lies, no hiding, no buried pasts, full openness and honesty; and this is no time to change any of that!!! It’s hard enough keeping an equal relationship with mental illness on one side. It wasn’t intentional; I was doing the self-protection thing. Which does boil down more or less to selfishness, really. Where to avoid an uncomfortable discussion of my obesity, and eating food that can only contribute to more weight gain, and spending money of unhealthy food and so on, I’d hide anything to do with it: receipts, food scraps and packaging, and even pay cash so it doesn’t show on our credit card statement! It’s all become a sad rigmarole, embarrassing, and many other things; I’m sure you can fill in some of gaps.

But, we’ve opened the door, so here’s the new thing: planned lunches. So far today, so good. A nice toasted sandwich with prosciutto, cheese and tomato. Yum! I’ve got pies to cook with frozen veg, some bacon and cheese topped rolls, and a bit more confidence that I can do this! I can eat regular lunches like regular people and go back to the times before when the day manager at KFC knew me and greeted me with a smile every time I drove through, and had a joke with me! She’s a really lovely girl, is it beyond tragic to say I miss her? So much for new city, new habits!!

Well, that was a lot of spewing of internal bile that I hadn’t really planned on sharing today! But there we are.

All I can say about today is my planned ride and bird watching didn’t eventuate. Owing to the fact that it took me 20 minutes and a few sit downs to get dressed for the ride after a phone call to hubby for an inspirational speech, and after procrastinating all day! It didn’t seem like I could throw a leg over a bike! My main achievement was sitting around on the couch deleting a few MB of photos from my computer so I can fill it up again with the 800 or so photos that I took yesterday!!! Eventually I’m going to need my own server! And that was my day! So…not the greatest. Not one to remember. Quite frustrating really watching the brilliant sunshine and blue cloudless skies go by, knowing its the last fine day of the week! If only…but no, as hubby says, it wasn’t my day. Maybe tomorrow I’ll be firing on all cylinders just in time to watch an inch of rain pour down from the skies! Who knows? There doesn’t seem to be a rhyme or reason to me as to how I’m going to be each day. I am missing the routine of getting up early to take hubby to work, I think, but I doubt I’d actually have been up for it today and yesterday. I wasn’t up for it last Thursday; needed a sleep in. And he rode to work on Friday. Maybe this was coming all along and was just inevitable; after all I did surprisingly well for the first 10 days. It’s just annoying, because I can’t say one way or another. Am I just having a bad couple of days like anyone could? Or am I having a down swing with my moods that I should monitor and that might need some intervention? And on and on, my mind is just going round and round and round, on a slight downward trajectory. Things that don’t usually bother me are getting in my craw, so to speak. I’m thinking too much. A good nap has helped a bit, but in total that means that I slept from 10pm last night to 10am this morning, then for another 2 hours from 4.30 to 6.30pm. 14 hours a day isn’t really sustainable. I don’t know whether having a job would have helped or hindered today. Would having to get up have worked, or would it have been another sick day? I wouldn’t have been the best customer service! Enough! No more thinking for now. Off I go at snail’s pace to potter around about dinner. Hubby’s late, poor him. So here we go, off I go. Off I go…