Footy season

It’s the start of the footy season.

Did you know that, or care if you did?

Melbourne overall is supposed to be pretty footy mad, and I’m sure it is based on the shenanigans I saw in my work suburb of Richmond over the footy finals last year, but I’m fairly laid back about it. We’ve never had a telly which is probably the major reason why I’ve never followed the footy that much, but if we’re ever on holidays during the footy season I do get pretty enthusiastic watching the play and exclaiming and yelling and carrying on! Who me? Yes me! But following it by newspaper just doesn’t interest me. I’ve also only ever been to 2 games, neither involving my club so…I guess that hasn’t piqued my interest. Theoretically I barrack for Richmond footy club, ironic given I now work there, mostly cos that’s who my Dad barracks for but as soon as people start talking to me about players or games or stats I get lost…except Dustin Martin, I know Dustin Martin. So how about my Dad barracking for Richmond without a telly? The Saturday afternoon clean out of the work van!! The radio would go on, the Coke cans and pie wrappers would actually get removed from the passenger seat foot well, and all the paraphernalia of being an electrician (clippings of conduits, cable ties, old light globes, fuses and things that I’ve forgotten the names of) get methodically cleaned out and the van sorted out for the week ahead. Or a trip to the tip. Or cutting firewood, or taking other trips, or something. Anything, from memory.

So, footy season…why do I now care? Apart from catching a couple of good games over the Easter break when we stayed down at Fairhaven, I work Saturdays in the emergency department. Turns out, we (I mean the hospital I work for) have the contract for the AFL among other sports contracts like the Australian Open so we get injured (and famous!) players coming through our doors, as well as all kinds of junior league and general patients. We’re the only private ED in the city so people wanting fast turnaround, quick (often same day) access to orthopaedics or plastics, private facilities and considerate treatment of celebrities often come to us. Of course there’s still patient confidentiality procedures in place so I won’t be discussing patients by name…and anyway no AFL players came in today to my knowledge, at least not between 10am and 2pm. Who knows after that?

So what did I see today? At least 4 patients lead through the department still in their playing jerseys with various signs of injury: limping, guarding of limbs, blood, pain.

A young 19yo male playing footy this morning went for a mark and the footy hit his ring finger at the tip resulting in a compound (bone through the skin) fracture of his finger…think blood, broken skin, broken bone, and just to top it off, the nurse swore she could see the tendon!! Ick! And when I saw him, he and his mum thought they were being discharged home…sorry, no, this is gonna need surgery!

A young girl maybe 16yo-ish came in from women’s AFL, not the major league but an amateur game with a dislocated shoulder. I actually felt worse for her than the last one because she has to be awake while they sort that out, although on reflection they wouldn’t knock out a patient to fix their finger, just a regional nerve block, probably in the wrist. She still had the green penthrane (inhaled anaesthetic) whistle from the ambulance and after the first attempt to enlocate the shoulder and an enormous blood-curdling scream that shook the foundations, they gave it back for her to suck on in between huge sobs which turned into a panic attack so they switched to nitrous oxide (laughing gas) to both treat the pain and anxiety, and eventually got the shoulder back in! I did not envy her at all! Not pretty.

I didn’t see this guy, but apparently a 57yo male umpire got tackled from behind during a junior game, huge question as to why that even happened, and is now feeling pain pretty much all over his whole body which got unbearable at home so he came into ED. I don’t know what they found in the end, but I’m sure most of the problem was a 57yo rather than a 22yo guy hitting the deck like a sack of potatoes. They don’t bounce back like they used to!

There was another jersey but I never caught up with that one. So instead, another trauma. This one was very unfortunate; I guess all traumas are but when your pet attacks you, its unfortunate. This 21yo guy’s pet is a lovely house cat. His buddy came over to visit and without his knowledge brought his dog. As soon as the dog stepped into the house it went for the cat, of course, so the guy went to pick up the cat but it was freaked out and attacked him…properly! Think slash to the throat, slash to the forearm and wrist, slash under the nose, slash on the chin, and the crowning glory, not just a slash to the lip but a chunk taken right out!! Ouch! Several stitches required, and being a private hospital, and being that the injury is to the face, usually we get a plastics specialist to review the patient at least, if not get them to do the stitches themselves, for a better aesthetic outcome!! Does that sound private hospital-ish?